TOEFL【Independent Writing】-Living in a town or a city @ 熱血背包客莊ㄟ

Qimei, Penghu, Taiwan

題目來源：考古題獨立寫作#009

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

老梗命運二選一，所以就選定立場，兩個理由即可，而且這個很生活化，所以一路舉例到底，也不用分什麼解釋加例子了

※如有興趣參考我的寫作戰略歡迎點擊：

TOEFL【Independent Writing】搞定托福獨立寫作的戰略分析

接下來就是實際操作一遍：

The location you chose influence your life. In small town, where the disturbance form people may be less, you may have big houses with quiet neighborhood, or lay down on the grass of wide yards to enjoy the sunset, an absence of people living in cities with clustered concrete buildings and a scene of hustle and bustle. Excessively dense population make cities congested, but provide powerful workforce to build artificial infrastructure, including convenient transportation and multiple facilities. So I prefer to live in cities.

Public traffic in cities is convenient. Rather than those living in towns only have private cars serving as transportation to go outside , you living in cities can take a bus to school, a subway to work, a boat to cross rivers in a city, and a telpher to see mountain landscape. These traffic routes connect one spot with other spots, forming a network preventing you from limitation of activities. In some city, besides, the government offers a "rent a bike" policy, a system of renting a bike at one place and returning it back at another place. Thus, benefiting from various public transportation, you can go everywhere to accomplish daily routine in the city.

Easily accessing multiple facilities is the advantage of city lifestyle. The more people live in cities, the more venture surge forward, causing the advent of plethora of museums, libraries or opera houses -- public areas to broaden our horizon of knowledge, culture or music. We can stay in these environments to realize our human history, find references, and experience acoustic charm. Walking into exotic restaurants, we taste different national cuisines without traveling to other countries. Compared with hospitals in towns, medical centers in cities provid more advanced treatments for our health. Can we have these services, historical education, artistic amusements, and medical care in a small town?

People living in small towns are like pastoralists to hug the beauty of nature, enjoying the slow pace of life. However, what the life l want to seek is convenience and diversity, hardly seen in towns but thriving in a big city.

Word：347

這裡可以玩點小心機，各段的結尾都是 city，第三段用town? 去質疑，所以就可以加強立場的宣示

結構分析：我來把文章微分

托福文章大部分分四類題型，1.同意不同意。2.二選一。 3.三選一。4.a>b，尤其3.和4.近期頻率增高

這題我想說過於生活化，甚至都覺得它應該是用來考口語的，所以應該是不用什麼高大尚的理由去解釋了，這個光舉例應該就超過300字了，人生以超過限制字數為目標，所以解釋就跳過了，下完立場，理由選定，再來就是理由舉例，最後結尾即可

第一段：

The location you chose influence your life. (前導背景句，small town 和 big city 都是一個地方，所以背景句由地點開始)
In small town, where the disturbance form people may be less, you may have big houses with quiet neighborhood, or lay down on the grass of wide yards to enjoy the sunset, an absence of people living in cities with clustered concrete buildings and a scene of hustle and bustle. (因為我的立場是大城市，所以先把小鎮帶出來，說出小鎮的優點但是這優點是城市沒有的，表面上是打槍城市，實際是在鋪梗，而且二選一的選擇題難免要比較一下張力才會出現)
Excessively dense population make cities congested, but provide powerful workforce to build artificial infrastructure, including convenient transportation and multiple facilities. (大城市雖人多口雜，但是人多好辦事阿，所以交通方便，建設也多，同時這個也是我的理由一和二)
So I prefer to live in cities. (立場重申)

第四段：結論採取的戰略就是把第一段倒著寫或是改寫，然後背景句不寫，既然第一段有比較，那我最後一段在比較一次。

People living in small towns are like pastoralists to hug the beauty of nature, enjoying the slow pace of life. (小鎮慢活)
However, what the life l want to seek is convenience and diversity, hardly seen in towns but thriving in a big city.(大城方便，又多資源)

第二段：

那第二段和第三段就可以完整表現為何我會選擇city比較重要的立場，因為在主要段落也就是第二段和第三段去做比較會使得整個文章比較亂，托福是高度標準化的可是，而且官方網站也有公布考試評分標準，所以這裡不需要把自己搞得跟徐自摩一樣把文章寫得詞藻華麗，眉飛色舞，所以main body 的部分盡量井然有序，讓人好讀就好。

法一：主題句1句+概念2句+舉例2句+結論1句，這裡絕對超過一百字
法二：主題句1句+舉例(題目現象出現之前)2句+舉例(題目現象出現之後)2句+結論1句，用時間去做對比，或者用人物，事物去做對比

如果文章想不出怎麼寫的話那個就把每一句的開頭想辦法塞入題目所提到的名詞(譬如說：大城和小鎮)，有了主詞之後，這個主詞去做什麼以及導致什麼結果，就會比較有方向延伸了，之後等文章寫完，湊完，再來修飾文章的句子及文法

概念有點像是剝洋蔥慢慢剝(大部分剝三層就夠你寫了)，不要一次挖到底這樣會跳針，跳太快很容易跳脫邏輯線，使得評分人員看不懂，任務就是要保持coherence

第二段邏輯線是：方便→ 小城不方便→大城超方便，很多交通工具網→還有腳踏車→通勤

Public traffic in cities is convenient. (主題句，理由一城市交通方便)
Rather than those living in towns only have private cars serving as transportation to go outside , you living in cities can take a bus to school, a subway to work, a boat to cross rivers in a city, and a telpher to see mountain landscape. (我先寫一下小鎮的缺點(不方便)，在寫城市的的交通如何方便，我用四種交通工具去說也很多選擇，這裡也是舉例一的開始)
These traffic routes connect one spot with other spots, forming a network preventing you from limitation of activities. (然後當這些選擇連在一起就成了網絡，舉例一的結果)
In some city, besides, the government offers a "rent a bike" policy, a system of renting a bike at one place and returning it back at another place. (舉例二，U-bike)
Thus, benefiting from various public transportation, you can go everywhere to accomplish daily routine in the city.(然後本來想寫舉例二的結果，但是其實剛好可以順便當這段的結論，所以這裡是舉例二的結果和整段的結論)

第三段：

第三段邏輯線是：多設施→ 人多投資多→圖書館，博物館→餐廳多→ 醫療好→小鎮沒有

Easily accessing multiple facilities is the advantage of city lifestyle. (主題句多公共設施，理由二)
The more people live in cities, the more venture surge forward, causing the advent of plethora of museums, libraries or opera houses -- public areas to broaden our horizon of knowledge, culture or music. (舉例一，圖書館....)
We can stay in these environments to realize our human history, find references, and experience acoustic charm. (舉例一的結果，得到知識)
Walking into exotic restaurants, we taste different national cuisines without traveling to other countries. (餐廳，不用專程出國)
Compared with hospitals in towns, medical centers in cities provid more advanced treatments for our health. (醫療好，照顧身體)
Can we have these services, historical education, artistic amusements, and medical care in a small town?(結論，三大設施分類，小鎮缺很大)

文法變化：

第一段：

The location you chose influence your life. ( 關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句，The location which you chose )
In small town, where the disturbance form people may be less, you may have big houses with quiet neighborhood, or lay down on the grass of wide yards to enjoy the sunset, an absence of people living in cities with clustered concrete buildings and a scene of hustle and bustle. (town, where the disturbance.....副詞子句當形容詞用，並用定點隔開，用埋葬結構呈現不重要而必要的內容, an absence of people livi....... 藍色部分同位語的修飾詞，但是因為把which is省略了，所以要打上"逗點"去區隔兩個名詞，已表示兩者是修飾關係不是並列對等關係 )
Excessively dense population make cities congested, but provide powerful workforce to build artificial infrastructure, including convenient transportation and multiple facilities.(Excessively dense population→Adv+Adj+N 此時副詞用來加強程度用的，紫色部分關西代名詞非限定用法都是, which including 的省略 )

第四段：

People living in small towns are like pastoralists to hug the beauty of nature, enjoying the slow pace of life. ( 分詞構句，主詞都是People省略，然後動詞改不定詞，還原的話：....beauty of nature『, and 』enjoy the slow.......其中的『, and 』一定要出現，如果忘了加連接詞，這樣會產生RUN-ON sentence，這個也是扣分很重的依據，所以逗點如果是連接兩個完整句子(S+Vi 或者 S+Vt+O)，中間一定要連接詞連接，不然就打上句點，分成兩句論述，不然就是分詞構句的形式呈現所以動詞一定會變形成Ving / Ved / to V) )
However, what the life l want to seek is convenience and diversity, hardly seen in towns but thriving in a big city.(紅色部分關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句，把What 想成 something that 就知其所以了，紫色部分關西代名詞非限定用法是, which be seen in towns but thrive...... 的省略)

第二段：

Rather than those living in towns only have private cars serving as transportation to go outside , you living in cities can take a bus to school, a subway to work, a boat to cross rivers in a city, and a telpher to see mountain landscape. (Rather than 是連接詞，本句是Rather than+S1+not V, S2+V，所以後面可以是接一個完整句或是任何東西，只要可以產生並列就好，而意思上兩並列的東西邏輯是取反的，它有時也可以當介係詞用後面只能加名詞，紅色部分關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句)
These traffic routes connect one spot with other spots, forming a network preventing you from limitation of activities. (紫色部分關西代名詞非限定用法是, which form .... 的省略)
In some city, besides, the government offers a "rent a bike" policy, a system of renting a bike at one place and returning it back at another place. (同位語的修飾詞，同位語就是前面某個先行詞的修飾詞以名詞方式呈現，所以務必只能有名詞，不能是句子(S+V)，若要加動詞的話要把它變成Ving / Vpp 等形式變成另一個關係代名詞)
Thus, benefiting from various public transportation, you can go everywhere to accomplish daily routine in the city.(分詞構句)

第三段：

The more people live in cities, the more venture surge forward, causing the advent of plethora of museums, libraries or opera houses -- public areas to broaden our horizon of knowledge, culture or music. (棕色是The more S+V, the more S+V，它們中間沒有連接詞當連接是因為他已經被變形了，好的今日庵來當法海，將他打回原形，它就是假設法現在式的省略用法，不知道要不要說它是假設法，因為它只是表條件而已，並沒有暗示什麼，If people live in cities more, venture will surge forward more，紫色部分關西代名詞非限定用法是, which cause .... 的省略，-- public areas .......同位語的修飾詞)
Walking into exotic restaurants, we taste different national cuisines without traveling to other countries. (分詞構句)
Compared with hospitals in towns, medical centers in cities provid more advanced treatments for our health. (比較法，hospitals VS. medical centers，這裡的兩個名詞必為同類， N1和N2的名詞詞類是要相同，這樣才構成修辭上正確運用，這裡很常不小心有錯誤對比情況出現譬如說：Compared with spending hours in kitchen, my mom..........，很明顯N1講的是一個動作，N2講的是一個人，所以就產生了 faulty comparison錯誤對比，兩者比較對象屬性不同，來個錯誤舉例：「不像昨天的天氣，老媽煮飯很好吃」，照理說應該是：「不像昨天的天氣，今天的天氣很好」，這樣就看得出來Compared with使用錯誤會多麼的無理頭了 )