熱血背包客莊ㄟ

Harbour view form 85 sky tower, Kaohsiung , Taiwan.

題目來源：考古題獨立寫作#143

Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

long & short 比較，選邊站的題型，選定立場後再加上理由

※如有興趣參考我的寫作戰略歡迎點擊：

TOEFL【Independent Writing】搞定托福獨立寫作的戰略分析

接下來就是實際操作一遍：

One need to relax, no matter how long the vacations was. Some say that students should do something unrelated to schoolwork like outdoor activities or indoor amusements during a long vacation, good for their mental development. However, to gain the long vacation, students have to finish long-term courses, probably resulting in students' mental disorder by putting too much pressure on them. Thus, I think short vacations are better for students to adjust their emotion and figure out how to reach academically clear comprehension.

Students always feel at ease during little breaks. Long-term learning make students less-confident, depressed, and anxious, spiritually natural reaction when the schedule of education is too tedious. The cure for students, vulnerable to the learning, is short vacations, turning their bad moods into sanguine attitude. Today, having two days a week as holidays to briefly leave school, students look forward to the weekend, when Saturday is coming. Using the vacations to cultivate extracurricular interests, hang out with friends, or go shopping can refresh their spirit, strengthening their learning motivation when they're back to school. Such well-developed cycle as feeling happy on Saturday and dynamic on Monday made them won't be suffocated by learning gradually and  can escape from school temporarily.

Periodically studying review can be done on short vacations. With the courses keeping going, students are forced to absorb considerable knowledge in short period, but lack complete understanding .These taught lessens unclear are easy to forget, followed by fail in degrees. However, it can not only be halted but be reversed by introducing regularly short vacations. They can use the vacations to find references in libraries or museums, and review their notes, collecting much of fragmentary knowledge into complete understanding. They, furthermore, digest the understanding, correct studying mistakes, and build links between theories and reality, creating well-organized comprehension to handle their schoolworks during every short vacations. 

Vacations are good rewards for students when they put a lot of effort on schoolworks. I think that cutting a long vacation into many pieces of short vacations is suitable for students, because they can use the time to relieve their distress and review the works frequently.  
 

Word：355

結構分析：我來把文章微分

• 本題是典型的二選一，候選人兩個選一個，那我在選定完之後在加兩個理由，去支持我為什麼要選這個，那理由就往她帶來什麼好處去想，這樣應該就比較輕鬆直觀，本題long vacation VS. short vacations 剛好可以用時間的長短，還有時間的次數去延伸(vacations這個複數S可以去加強延伸)，主角確立是學生，執行的任務是休假，然後理由就說哪個好，好在哪，這樣整個文章的邏輯線就暫定如此了
• 然後在文章main body的分配上我用主題句一句，概念兩句，再講例子兩句，最後一句結尾的結構，老梗續用
• 如果文章想不出怎麼寫的話那個就把每一句的開頭想辦法塞入題目所提到的名詞(譬如說：學生，長假，短價)，有了主詞之後，這個主詞去做什麼以及導致什麼結果，就會比較有方向延伸了，之後等文章寫完，湊完，再來修飾文章的句子及文法

第一段：

思考邏輯線，先來個背景休假人人都要→長的好啊有童年回憶→轉折長時間讀書壓力大 →短的才棒(申明立場)→ 理由一 →理由二

• One need to relax, no matter how long the vacations was.(先做廣泛的定義，大家都要休息，這樣剛好帶入到那如果要休息要長的還是短的)
• Some say that students should do something unrelated schoolworks like outdoor activities or indoor amusements during a long vacation, good for their mental development. (這裡只是題目改寫，改寫完加上他們的好處，因為我接下來要打槍它的好處，此時剛好又可以順便完成對比，題目沒說要對比但我想凸顯短假期的好處，所以假借對比的效果去加強我的立場)
• However, to gain the long vacation, students have to finish long-term courses, probably resulting in students' mental disorder by putting too much pressure on them.(這裡就是上句講完他的好處，下句馬上打槍的，因為一個長假勢必是累積很久的工作天才能放假) 
• Thus, I think short vacations are better for students to adjust their emotion and figure out how to reach academically clear comprehension.(立場帶入接上兩個理由)

第四段：老招式結論採取的戰略就是把第一段倒著寫，然後背景句不寫，如果嫌自數太少就把背景句加上。

• Vacations are good rewards for students when they put a lot of effort on schoolwork. (好像真的有點少，所以在加一句大家都要放假阿當作背景)
• I think that cutting a long vacation into many pieces of short vacations is suitable for students, (立場)
• because they can use the time to relieve their distress and review the works frequently.(理由一，二)

第二段：

那第二段和第三段就可以完整表現為何我會選擇short vacations立場的理由，再以理由當作主題句開頭，然後在往下申論，那申論的內容平常會先來個概念說明，最後再來個事實舉例讓整個文章是有很明顯的先抽象再具體的線性關係，或者當抽象的概念無法瞬間想出來時，我就會用對比的方式去呈現，因為這樣也我的想法上是時間跟過程都有先後順序這樣也可以以線性的方式去表達自己的邏輯，如有誤曲再請提點更正，托福是高度標準化的考試，而且官方網站也有公布考試評分標準，所以這裡不需要把自己搞得跟徐自摩一樣把文章寫得詞藻華麗，眉飛色舞，所以main body 的部分盡量井然有序，讓人好讀就好。老樣子公式就是：

• 法一：主題句1句+概念2句+舉例2句+結論1句，這裡絕對超過一百字
• 法二：主題句1句+舉例(題目現象出現之前)2句+舉例(題目現象出現之後)2句+結論1句，用時間去做對比，或者用人物，事物去做對比

第二段邏輯線是：可以調整壓力→課業壓力很大→轉折(主角帶入)→期待假日(開心)→周休二日出去玩

所以整個心路歷程是心情不好(上課)→心情爽翻了(放假)

• Students always feel at ease during little breaks. (主題句，我把short vacations改成little breaks，然後調整壓力改成每次放假學生都很開心) 
• Long-term learning make students less-confident, depressed, and anxious, spiritually natural reaction when the schedule of education is too tedious. (先寫長時間學習會讓學生壓力大，逼迫太緊了。突然想到沈玉琳的爛梗：經理我不幹了，你逼太緊了，我受不了啊~~)
• The cure for students, vulnerable to the learning, is short vacations, turning their bad moods into sanguine attitude. (這裡有轉折的用意將主角帶入，所以治療方式就是給假，這帖特效藥不只對學生有效，對當兵同袍來說更是仙丹，服藥完之後就從心情不好變成新化怒放)
• Today, having two days a week as holidays to briefly leave school, students look forward to the weekend, when Saturday is coming. (舉例開始囉~~周休二日，開心的情帶假日到來等著離開學校)
• Using the vacations to cultivate extracurricular interests, hang out with friends, or go shopping can refresh their spirit, strengthening their learning motivation when they're back to school. (更深入的舉例他們用假日幹麼，去完成具體的解釋，如課外活動，找朋友，逛街，藉此他們回來上課時又精力充沛了)
• Such well-developed cycle as feeling happy on Saturday and dynamic on Monday made them won't be suffocated by learning gradually and  can escape from school temporarily.(做個段落小結，有小假期，學生才不會被課業壓力擊敗)

第三段：

第三段邏輯線是：定期複習課業→不停趕課，吸收不好被當→轉折(主角出來)→有時間去圖書館找資料....→找完資料彙整

所以整個心路歷程是不懂老師在幹嗎(上課)→茅塞頓開(放假)

• Periodically studying review can be done on short vacations. (主題句：理由二可以有週期性的複習)
• With the courses keeping going, students are forced to absorb considerable knowledge in short period, but lack complete understanding .(課程是一直下去的，短時間難以吸收，缺少通盤理解)
• These taught lessens unclear is easy to forget, followed by fail in degrees. (結果就忘了，然後還被當掉)
• However, this can not only be halted but be reversed by introducing regularly short vacations. (然後轉折，short vacations主角帶入，這裡多用一句做轉折感覺有點多此一舉，其實可以應該是可以改成with many short vacations然後併入下面一句當開頭即可)
• They can use the vacations to find references in libraries or museums, and review their notes, collecting much of fragmentary knowledge into complete understanding. (開始舉例：去圖書館，複習筆記→彙整)
• They, furthermore, digest the understanding, correct studying mistakes, and build links between theories and reality, creating well-organized comprehension to handle their schoolworks during every short vacations. (繼續舉例：彙整完後能夠去掌握學習狀態，這裡順便把結論給納入了整在寫一句)

文法變化：

第一段：

• Some say that students should do something unrelated schoolworks like outdoor activities or indoor amusements during a long vacation, good for their mental development. (that + 名詞子句的作用，名詞子句一定是完整句，有些人說的這件事情是.......)
• to gain the long vacation, students have to finish long-term courses, probably resulting in students' mental disorder by putting too much pressure on them. (分詞構句，主詞都是students省略，然後動詞改不定詞，還原的話：students is to gain the long vacation『, and 』students have to finish....其中的『, and 』一定要出現，如果忘了加連接詞，這樣會產生RUN-ON sentence，這個也是扣分很重的依據，所以逗點如果是連接兩個完整句子(S+Vi 或者 S+Vt+O)，中間一定要連接詞連接，不然就打上句點，分成兩句論述，不然就是分詞構句的形式呈現所以動詞一定會變形成Ving / Ved / to V)(後方紫色部分還原：long-term courses, which probably result in students' mental disorder...(關西代名詞非限定用法，翻譯成：前面的整事件"導致"學生....))
• Thus, I think short vacations are better for students to adjust their emotion and figure out how to reach academically clear comprehension.(that + 名詞子句的作用，名詞子句一定是完整句，我想的這件事情是.......)

第二段：

•  Long-term learning make students less-confident, depressed, and anxious, spiritually natural reaction when the schedule of education is too tedious. (, spiritually natural reaction when.....同位語的修飾詞，但是因為把which is省略了，所以要打上"逗點"去區隔兩個名詞，已表示兩者是修飾關係不是並列對等關係，其中spiritually natural reaction 為 adv+adj+n結構，GRE考古題很多類似的用法)
• The cure for students, vulnerable to the learning, is short vacations, turning their bad moods into sanguine attitude.(, vulnerable to the learning,關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句，省略Who are，當成埋葬句，用兩個逗點格開，表示必要不重要。後方分詞構句，主詞是the cure 省略 )
• Today, having two days a week as holidays to briefly leave school, students look forward to the weekend, when Saturday is coming. (分詞構句，主詞都是students省略，然後動詞改分詞)
• Using the vacations to cultivate extracurricular interests, hang out with friends, or go shopping can refresh their spirit, strengthening their learning motivation when they're back to school. (關西代名詞非限定用法都是, which strengthen 的省略)
• Such well-developed cycle as feeling happy on Saturday and dynamic on Monday made them won't be suffocated by learning gradually and  can escape from school temporarily. (such A as B，A表示一個集合性的包裝名詞，B 把A這個集合性名詞的內容寫出，其實就是A=B的意思)

第三段：

• Periodically studying review can be done on short vacations. (Periodically studying review 為 adv+adj+n結構)
• With the courses keeping going, students are forced to absorb considerable knowledge in short period, but lack complete understanding .(關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句，courses which keep going 持續進行的課程)
• These taught lessens unclear is easy to forget, followed by fail in degrees. (關西代名詞非限定用法都是, which was followed by... 的省略)
• They can use the vacations to find references in libraries or museums, and review their notes, collecting much of fragmentary knowledge into complete understanding.(分詞構句，主詞是students(they)省略，然後動詞改分詞)
• They, furthermore, digest the understanding, correct studying mistakes, and build links between theories and reality, creating well-organized comprehension to handle their schoolworks during every short vacations. (關西代名詞非限定用法都是, which create...... 的省略)

第四段：

• I think that cutting a long vacation into many pieces of short vacations is suitable for students (that + 名詞子句的作用，當然名詞子句一定是完整句，我想的這件事情是.......)

我覺得邏輯線想好，然後再來分段分好，接著在把每一句的任務交代清楚，第一句永遠是第一段的理由當成主題句，第二句開始概念延伸去描述這個主題的演變過程，第三句在寫演變過程產生的因果關系，好了這樣概念就搞定了，再來舉裡就舉個學生常去的地方，常做的事情，舉例就是一個人去做一個動作，然後再對這個動作做完所帶來的結果是什麼，第四句就寫舉例裡面主角所作所為，第五句寫這樣做完的結果是什麼就完成舉例的部分了，然後第六句也就是結論句字數如果夠可寫可不寫，但是要確保文章段落尾巴的內容有沒有跟主題句的意思相似，這樣才能完成一個Loop 文章才不會發散，這就是結論的用意，把文章舉例的部分強力拉回去主題句或topic上

我猜ETS的評分委員一篇文章頂多看5分鐘而已，大家都想早點下班這是人之常情，所以文章的順暢度及邏輯上的發展一定遠比一些裝神弄鬼的模板來的重要，讓評委看懂最重要。

以上就是小弟的寫作分享，不一定高分，但是這個結構跟內容都盡力去接近ETS的評分標準，如果有錯再請指教，大家一起進步考高分。