熱血背包客莊ㄟ

Alishan National Scenic Area, Chiayi, Taiwan.

題目來源：考古題獨立寫作#37

Do you agree or disagree that progress is always good? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

我會利用Good去切入是否progress都是往好的地方走，然後always這個這麼絕對的副詞讓我很想去反駁它

※如有興趣參考我的寫作戰略歡迎點擊：

TOEFL【Independent Writing】搞定托福獨立寫作的戰略分析

接下來就是實際操作一遍：

Generally, progress means improvement. The development of technology, the revolution of transportation, and the growth of economy bring efficiency, convenience, and affluence. On the contrary, the development threaten natural resources, followed by environmental disorder. The convenience boosted politically cross-border expansion and the affluence trigger some people's greed for power, contributing to colonialism. Such human activities not only made people colonized by powerful countries lose their human rights in the past, but also are damaging ecosystem, so progress is a tragedy. 

Human right violation happened with economic globalization. During the Age of Discovery, with technological advancements in compass and ship design, lands previously unknown to powerful countries dominating the business of global trading were discovered, though already inhabited. These countries accessed exotic valuable properties, controlling the native populations, and further occupying the territory, so colonialism emerged.  Forced to follow certain religious, to mine rare materials like diamonds, and to accept foreign cultures, the local people lose their freedom and rights. What still could be worse was that some of them were sold into slavery, exploited by invaders-- powerful countries sacrificing the aborigines to build international companies and global empires in the progress. 

progress break down ecology. Rain dropped down to form clear rivers, further fertilizing soil. Lands were covered by lush of plants and grasses, releasing botanic perfume to fresh the air, and providing good habitats for animals to breed. Both fauna and flora were able to maintain biodiversity, strengthening the cycle of ecologically sustainable conservation. However, the presence of Industrial Revolution brought some risks. It sped up global warming and temperature rose, melting iceberg and ascending sea levels-- phenomena to make polar bears helplessly stare at their habitation disappeared. Dust from chimneys blocking the sky, artificial pigments covering lucid streams, and  emission of greenhouse gas by burning fossil fuel harm the Earth as expense of  industrial activities in the progress. 

The development and revolution made people have a better life, but the environments are polluted and destroyed. The transportation benefited certain people, but some regard it as a catastrophe, so I see no reason to support the topic that progress is always good. 

Word：353

結構分析：我來把文章微分

• Always我覺得滿好做文章的，因為這個字太絕對了，所以在整個地球45億年當中找到一個打槍題目的反例應該總會有一兩個，所以我就選擇反對立場了
• 再來就文章的理由怎麼寫，那我就想說progress是一個進步的過程，所以他應該是指一段時間上的人類行為產生了變化，而變化是走『正』方向，所以在這個進步，進展當中會伴隨著一些負面的影響，就是我持反對立場的立足點，然後就把環境汙染和地理大發現這個歷史所帶給人類的迫害，給請出來當理由
• 然後再文章main body的分配上我以往都是用主題句一句，概念兩句，再講例子兩句，最後一句結尾的結構，可是我發現概念完全空白，不知道怎麼寫概念，所以直接全段講例子不然沒時間寫完，所以就安排全段例子中以progress為分水嶺progress之前是怎樣的現象，progress之後是怎樣的現象，兩個現象用對比的關係寫完，因為真的沒梗寫

第一段：

思考邏輯線，科技、交通、生活都進步→好處出現什麼 →轉折叫題目甲賽 →壞處伴隨阿 → 理由一 →理由二 →重申立場

• Generally, progress means improvement. (先做廣泛的定義，也算是做progress is always good的背景，也就是說這句題目的存在是因為一般來說progress=improvement)
• The development of technology, the revolution of transportation, and the growth of economy bring efficiency, convenience, and affluence. (接下來就寫稍微細一點的東西，就說進步在哪裡)
• On the contrary, the development threaten natural resources, followed by environmental disorder. The convenience boosted politically cross-border expansion and the affluence trigger some people's greed for power, contributing to colonialism.(一個東西就座標上的不同會有好就有壞，所以轉折就出現了，說倒底壞在哪裡稍微粗料淺談，以利我下一句話的兩個理由能更在邏輯線上不跳脫)
• Such human activities not only made people colonized by powerful countries lose their human rights in the past, but also are damaging ecosystem, so progress is a tragedy. (兩個理由出現，這裡是用客觀是事實現象當理由1.人權踐踏2.環境汙染，並在最後把立場講一次。PS：這裡的題目只說progress is always good? yes/no 所以不用轉成我覺得應該是怎麼樣 ─ 類似第一人稱辯論的寫法 ─ 這樣絕對離題digression，因為這樣就把題目改掉了，題目只問對或錯何以見得，不是問錯，然後錯在哪應該怎麼處理，或對，對在哪應該怎麼保持)

第四段：老招式結論採取的戰略就是把第一段倒著寫，然後背景句不寫。

• The development and revolution made people have a better life, but the environments are polluted and destroyed. (理由二)
• The transportation benefited certain people, but some regard it as a catastrophe, so I see no reason to support the topic that progress is always good. (理由一，So後面加立場)

第二段：

那第二段和第三段就可以完整表現為何我會選擇progress不好的立場的理由，再以理由當作主題句開頭，然後在往下申論，那申論的內容平常會先來個概念說明，最後再來個事實舉例讓整個文章是有很明顯的先抽象再具體的線性關係，或者當抽象的概念無法瞬間想出來時，我就會用對比的方式去呈現，因為這樣也我的想法上是時間跟過程都有先後順序這樣也可以以線性的方式去表達自己的邏輯，如有誤曲再請提點更正，托福是高度標準化的考試，而且官方網站也有公布考試評分標準，所以這裡不需要把自己搞得跟徐自摩一樣把文章寫得詞藻華麗，眉飛色舞，所以main body 的部分盡量井然有序，讓人好讀就好。老樣子公式就是：

• 法一：主題句1句+概念2句+舉例2句+結論1句，這裡絕對超過一百字
• 法二：主題句1句+舉例(題目現象出現之前)2句+舉例(題目現象出現之後)2句+結論1句，用時間去做對比，或者用人物，事物去做對比

第二段邏輯線是：地理大發現→土地被強權入侵→強權拿了什麼好處→轉折→被侵入者的壞處→更糟的是被奴役

• Human right violation happened with economic globalization. (主題句~~把理由一改寫而已lose human right 就是 Human right violation，這裡其實把一個動作轉成名詞，因為通常名詞化(nominalization)的東西在申論時會比較方便，並保持簡短有力)
• During the Age of Discovery, with technological advancements in compass and ship design, lands previously unknown to powerful countries dominating the business of global trading were discovered, though already inhabited. These countries accessed exotic valuable properties, controlling the native populations, and further occupying the territory, so colonialism emerged.  (這裡我真的想不出來怎麼用概念去展現殖民統治，感覺上這個理由一是我在挖洞給自己跳，所以沒辦法直接趕快下舉例，那整段都在舉例其實其實會滿零散的，譬如說血鑽石+印地安人的困境+滿清末年八國聯軍，這樣舉例感覺好像是ok但是整段卻沒有cohesion，關聯繫不夠強也是評分扣分的依據，而且地點有非洲，美洲，亞洲，天差地遠，所以我挑一個發現新大陸的故事當舉例，然後再利用對於入侵者得到什麼好處，跟被害者損失什麼，這樣就創造出對比形式出來了，所以我就先寫地理大發現對入侵者的好處有那些~~~)
• Forced to follow certain religious, to mine rare materials like diamonds, and to accept foreign cultures, the local people lose their freedom and rights. What still could be worse was that some of them were sold into slavery, exploited by invaders-- powerful countries sacrificing the aborigines to build international companies and global empires in the progress. (那這裡就寫對被征服者的壞處是什麼，最後再加個結論把它併入最後一句用同位語呈現省得再寫一句結論)

第三段：

第三段邏輯線是：本來水清土肥→轉折(工業革命)→溫室效應→空汙廢水

• progress break down ecology. (理由二：地球爛掉了)
• Rain dropped down to form clear rivers, further fertilizing soil. (工業革命前的景色描述)
• Lands were covered by lush of plants and grasses, releasing botanic perfume to fresh the air, and providing good habitats for animals to breed.(動植物生長狀態)
• Both fauna and flora were able to maintain biodiversity, strengthening the cycle of ecologically sustainable conservation. (生態環境維持很好)
• However, the presence of Industrial Revolution brought some risks. (轉折用的 Industrial Revolution出現之後產生的迫害)
• It sped up global warming and temperature rose, melting iceberg and ascending sea levels-- phenomena to make polar bears helplessly stare at their habitation disappeared. (老梗新用溫室效應，海平面上升，北極熊掰掰)
• Dust from chimneys blocking the sky, artificial pigments covering lucid streams, and  emission of greenhouse gas by burning fossil fuel harm the Earth as expense of  industrial activities in the progress. (空氣汙染+廢水排放，順便寫結論，這就是進步的代價)

文法變化：

第一段：

• the development threaten natural resources, followed by environmental disorder. (還原：....resources, which was followed....(關西代名詞非限定用法，翻譯成：前面的整事件，接著變成環境失序....))
• The convenience boosted politically cross-border expansion and the affluence trigger some people's greed for power, contributing to colonialism. (1.politically cross-border expansion→adv+ adj+ N結構，這結構gre考古題常常有，做gre考題的時候不妨順便背下來運用。 2.....power, contributing to colonialism. 還原：....power, which contributed to colonialism.關西代名詞非限定用法，翻譯成：前面的整事件導致殖民統治)
• Such human activities not only made people colonized by powerful countries lose their human rights in the past, but also are damaging ecosystem, so progress is a tragedy. (還原：..only made people who were colonized by powerful countries lose...關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句，當!!!people的形容詞用 )

第二段：

• During the Age of Discovery, with technological advancements in compass and ship design, lands previously unknown to powerful countries dominating the business of global trading were discovered, though already inhabited. 
• 第一紅色部分是lands 的關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句 (還原： lands which were previously unknown to powerful countries....)
• 第二紫紅色部分 powerful countries的關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句(還原：powerful countries which dominated the business of global trading)
• 第三綠色部分屬分詞構句還原的話：....were discovered, though lands had been inhabited，然後主詞相同掰掰，had 表時態 been 沒意義掰掰，但想強調完成是所以already加上.
• 所以這句話的重點只有, lands previously unknown to powerful countries dominating the business of global trading were discovered 土地被發現!!!，其他都是形容詞沒意義

• These countries accessed exotic valuable properties, controlling the native populations, and further occupying the territory, so colonialism emerged.  (兩個分詞構句並列，主詞都是these countries省略，然後動詞改分詞還原的話：exotic valuable properties『, and 』 these countries controll the native populations and further occupy the territory, so colo......其中的『, and 』一定要出現，如果忘了加連接詞，這樣會產生RUN-ON sentence，這個也是扣分很重的依據，所以逗點如果是連接兩個完整句子(S+Vi 或者 S+Vt+O)，中間一定要連接詞連接，不然就打上句點，分成兩句論述，不然就是分詞構句的形式呈現所以動詞一定會變形成Ving / Ved / to V)

• Forced to follow certain religious, (Forced) to mine rare materials like diamonds, and (Forced) to accept foreign cultures, the local people lose their freedom and rights. (這裡也是利用分詞構句的形式我就不多贅述了)

• What still could be worse was that some of them were sold into slavery, exploited by invaders-- powerful countries sacrificing the aborigines to build international companies and global empires in the progress. 
• 先從What開始他其實是強調語氣，可以把它想成 something that 這樣子後面的still could be worse的這個不完整句就合理了，當作關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句
•  that some of them were sold into slavery，exploited by invaders...(其實這裡一直到尾巴in the progress.都是名詞子句的範圍只是怕太花花綠綠了沒標完)是名詞子句 was 後面加一個受詞可是想表達的東西不能以一個簡單名詞解決的話就用一句完整句表達，視為名詞子句，但是有些動詞後面是不能加名詞子句的，要先查清楚。PS：名詞子句的另一個用法在於對每個概念型的名詞作補充結構也就是N+Ncl.譬如說我第四段的結尾the topic that progress is always good. 
• , exploited by invaders (這裡也是利用分詞構句的形式我就不多贅述了，主詞是some of them)
• -- powerful countries invaders的同位語的修飾詞，但是因為把which is省略了，所以要打上"逗點"去區隔兩個名詞，已表示兩者是修飾關係不是並列對等關係，但又因為剛好是段尾所以改破折號更顯氣勢磅礡阿)
• sacrificing the aborigines to build international companies and global empires in the progress. (powerful countries 的關西代名詞限定用法變成形容詞子句)

第三段：

• progress break down ecology. (難得主題句可以短成這樣>超爽!!)

• Rain dropped down to form clear rivers, further fertilizing soil. (分詞構句的形式)

• Lands were covered by lush of plants and grasses, releasing botanic perfume to fresh the air, and providing good habitats for animals to breed. 關西代名詞非限定用法都是which release and provide 的省略

• Both fauna and flora were able to maintain biodiversity, strengthening the cycle of ecologically sustainable conservation. 再來一次關西代名詞非限定用法

• It sped up global warming and temperature rose, melting iceberg and ascending sea levels-- phenomena to make polar bears helplessly stare at their habitation disappeared. 關西代名詞非限定用法+同位語

• Dust from chimneys blocking the sky, artificial pigments covering lucid streams, and  emission of greenhouse gas by burning fossil fuel harm the Earth as expense of  industrial activities in the progress. (關西代名詞限定用法的省略分別修飾 dust和artificial pigments)
• 我覺得這句話其實也可以寫成：
• Dust from chimneys blocked the sky, artificial pigments covered lucid streams, and burning fossil fuel emitted greenhouse gases, harming the Earth as expense of  industrial activities in the progress. (把之前的關西代名詞限定用法改回來，之後harm 改一下變成關西代名詞非限定用法)

第四段：

so I see no reason to support the topic that progress is always good. 

topic是概念性名詞，摸不到看不到感覺不到勢必要有東西對她做補充才能完整，想像topic是一個包裝，買個餅乾一定是餅乾包在餅乾盒或塑膠袋，那topic就是餅乾盒或塑膠袋，一個東西把餅乾封裝起來，所以that progress is always good是內容的補充，那就是餅乾了。兩者加在一起變成完整的商品，所以這就是概念性名詞+名詞子句的作用，當然名詞子句一定是完整句

我猜ETS的評分委員一篇文章頂多看5分鐘而已，大家都想早點下班這是人之常情，所以文章的順暢度及邏輯上的發展一定遠比一些裝神弄鬼的模板來的重要，讓評委看懂最重要。

以上就是小弟的寫作分享，不一定高分，但是這個結構跟內容都盡力去接近ETS的評分標準，如果有錯再請指教，大家一起進步考高分。